Raised in a society that has sold us a myth about who and what we are as women, accessing our dark feminine energy is deeply healing and empowering.
The dark feminine is where our rage lives, chaos, creation and rebirth, confidence, self-worth, where our shadows and deep healing reside, waiting for that moment when we wake up and integrate all the disconnected, shamed, lost parts of us back into the whole.
What is dark feminine energy?
There is both light and dark energy within every woman, represented by her heart (light) and her womb (dark). Light feminine energy is soft, playful, kind, receptive, and nurturing. This is the energy most people are comfortable with, especially in most current societies where women are conditioned from birth to be people pleasers and “nice little girls.”
Dark feminine energy, on the other hand, is mysterious, assertive, fearless, and authentic. It’s the fire that transforms, is wise, destructive, and unseen yet very magnetically felt.
As women, we are both. We are creators (dark) and we are receivers (light). Our dark feminine energy connects us to the portal within ourselves that brings souls from the other side into the physical. This is why women are so intuitive, because they are literally bridges between worlds.
In so many religions women have been cast out of any leadership positions when in reality they are man's closest link to the Divine. We’ve been told we came from man’s rib, when in reality no man gets to earth without being brought into it by a woman.
Dark feminine energy wakes us up to our truth and who we really are.
Ways to tap into your dark feminine energy
Tapping into your dark feminine energy is a deeply healing and raw journey. While putting on heels and a smokey eye can make any woman feel powerful in her role as seductress, dark feminine energy goes so much deeper.
She doesn’t always fit into the accepted confines of the male gaze. Dark feminine energy personified could look like a siren, but she could also just as easily have messy hair, tear-stained cheeks, selfish desires, dirty hands and feet from being outside, and a tattered dress. She says no unapologetically and yes without shame. She loves herself fully and gives herself what she needs.
Let’s look at practical ways to tangibly access the dark feminine within.
1. Learn about your Black Moon Lilith
Your Black Moon Lilith is a point in astrology that shows where your dark feminine has been repressed, shamed, or ridiculed.
Where your BML sits in your chart will give you clues as to what traits and behaviors that you either steer away from or overdo with much shame and guilt due to your conditioning as a child.
You can check here to see where your BML is in your chart and here to learn about the sign and house it’s in.
My BML, for example, is in Pisces in the fourth house (which is ruled by Cancer). Both of those signs point towards the likelihood that I felt shame for being needy, nurturing, or dependent and that I either stayed away from ever being those things or that I could overdo them.
Being a firstborn daughter really did instill this in me, because I felt like I needed to support my mother and not be a drain or nuisance to her. To be vulnerable about my needs is something that’s even hard to do with just myself, let alone with others.
What does your Black Lilith Moon tell you about where you’ve been shamed and repressed? Your dark feminine energy invites you to heal these shamed parts of yourself and lean into the very traits and behaviors you’ve suppressed.
2. Deeply love other women
Learning to trust and love other women is paramount to accessing your dark feminine energy because only other women have been in your shoes.
Think naked women dancing around a fire under full moon-type vibes. The patriarchy has caused competition amongst women for far too long because, kept apart, we are weakened.
When we decenter men from our lives (no longer seeing them as the most important thing we strive for or cater to) we make room for the dark feminine within us to be nourished, seen, and supported within the container of other women.
As we continue to move into the Age of Aquarius, more and more women will continue to come together in support and love for one another. See the deep value women provide in your life, and raise your daughters to recognize the importance of female friendships and connections.
Dark feminine energy is feral and wild, and is most deeply seen and supported within tribes of women who understand and love you on other-worldly levels.
3. Know and accept thyself
The more you know and accept yourself, the more your dark feminine is able to flourish. This is because so much of what the dark feminine represents (power, the unknown, transformation, fierceness, emotional intensity, strong boundaries) is encouraged out of women when they are young.
It’s intimidating to others and therefore twisted into being portrayed as selfish and evil (and honestly, anyone who ever calls someone else selfish is coming from their own selfish motives to begin with).
Learn about your astrology, your human design, your MBTI, or your numerology. They’re all clues as to your soul intentions in this lifetime as well as your strengths and weaknesses. Ask your loved ones about your strengths and weaknesses. Journal your emotions, thoughts, and authentic desires and wishes.
Love your strengths and lovingly accept and have compassion for your weaknesses like you would a small child. It doesn’t mean you’re going to dwell in them, but you’re not going to shame yourself for them and try to hide them away.
The dark feminine wants you to accept all parts of yourself without shame, and she wants you to KNOW yourself fully so you can stand in your own power unapologetically.
4. Heal your sexuality
If you’re a woman in this world, you carry trauma and shame around your sexuality. It’s pretty much a given at this time and place in reality.
Growing up, most of us saw magazines with articles like “10 Ways to Blow His Mind in Bed” and “The Secret Dieting Tip That Will Give You the Perfect Body”.
There weren’t any articles talking about the way you were groped as a little girl on your way to school, or the sex education that told you boys don’t like girls who get “used” up. Not many articles on how common molestation and rape is and how to heal from it, or how powerful your sexual energy is and how to utilize it for your own benefit.
Most of our sex education centered around how to pleasure men (but not too much or too many). Hence we have a world where so many women are led to think male validation is the ultimate accomplishment when in reality it’s as easy to obtain as finding a twig on the ground.
N’Diah Love, from Let’s Sweet Talk, says in this article about the dark feminine:
“When a woman has a healthy relationship with the dark feminine energy inside of her, she can access incredible amounts of creative energy. She is often very comfortable in her body and expressing herself sexually. When a woman is in tune with the dark feminine, her sexual energy has the potential to engulf and overtake the sexuality of a man completely. The dark feminine woman is also often wildly seductive and sensual, attracting both men and women’s attention a la Robyn “Rihanna” Fenty. Dark feminine energy also helps a woman to heal her wounded feminine by giving her the strength and courage needed to create boundaries and communicate clearly about her wants and needs. She transforms from a victim to an agent of radical change. She becomes an alchemist.”
Love, N'Diah. "An Introduction to the Dark Feminine." Let's Sweet Talk.
Some books I recommend for healing your sexuality:
5. Decenter men & become The Main Character
From childhood, most girls are conditioned to believe that their life and happiness will center around a man. It’s in all the Disney princess movies and our culture portrays a wedding and marriage as a final destination goal for women.
But the very trait that men find so alluring about the dark feminine is that her life is NOT centered around men, but herself. The woman who is embodying her dark feminine is busy creating and fulfilling her own wishes and desires as opposed to waiting around for a man.
He can complement her life, but he isn’t her reason for being. This is why books like Why Men Love Bitches are so popular and speak to this truth, because a woman in her dark feminine has self-respect, boundaries, and won’t put up with anyone wasting her time.
When you put yourself as the Main Character in your life, you fill your life up with all the things you love doing, which in turn automatically heals the feminine energy within you that has been suppressed to not intimidate others.
Imagine your life with you being in the center of it; your desires, your wishes, your joys, your dreams. A dark feminine embodied woman giving Main Character energy is full of creative, life-force energy that is magnetic and appealing because her cup runneth over.
She says YES to herself and lives her life on her terms, as everyone should.
6. Begin understanding your worth & value as a woman
Most girls are steered away from knowing who they truly are, because who they truly are is a threat to many in this world due to their innate power as females. So we’re led to believe that we are this surface material that is our bodies and what we can offer to others.
The truth that many patriarchal religions have tried to bury for so long is that divine feminine energy is the most powerful energy there is. Like a jealous bully who tries to leave out the kid they’re intimated by, religion has tried to leave out women and even claim they’re “unclean”, all because of how much power they know women hold.
As a woman, you are innately worthy. Your body is not only a portal for souls but flows with creative, life-force energy that others benefit from who are in your presence.
When you are happy and in your natural state of receiving, you multiply what you are given. You bring color and joy into men’s lives just with your very being and essence. You can create humans, businesses, and life. You’ve got one foot in this physical realm and the other in the non-physical.
Your dark feminine invites you to recognize your innate worthiness, power, and magic. The Goddess receives gifts simply for the energy she radiates and nothing more. You are worthy just for being. Realizing this is life-changing.
7. Let yourself rage
I’ve spoken a lot about female conditioning, and with this comes suppressed sadness and anger. The deep shame we’ve carried as girls and women is heavy and needs to be released.
Shadow work helps us get in touch with the dark feminine because it’s where we can come face to face with our pain and transmute it.
The thing I love about shadow work is the acceptance and FEELING of repressed emotions and self-limiting beliefs. It sounds scary but it's the most freeing thing in the world to look your pain in the face and embrace it. To surrender and let the emotions flow over and through you.
This very act transmutes painful memories and beliefs into light, and you’ll hardly ever experience them the same way again.
We women need to rage–for the little girls inside of us, for our mothers and grandmothers, for Mother Earth and the Divine Feminine. I don’t mean burn houses down, I just mean we need to cry and scream to release what we’ve had to bury away in order to stay safe.
Face your pain and let it be healed. It will send out ripple effects to all other women, other timelines, and your matriarchal ancestral line.
8. Stop being afraid of the dark
You don’t need to be afraid of the dark because you are the dark. You are the unseen, unknown, ever-flowing river of creation and divinity. You walk between two worlds, one light and the other dark. You are at home here too.
You are intuitive and know things without knowing; you need to begin trusting this. You give life with your words, energy, presence, essence, and body; you need to understand how valuable you are.
You are all the emotions on the emotional scale, from light to dark. You don’t have to be afraid of your own shadows, because there’s nothing you can’t handle. You are life and death itself, so what’s to be afraid of?
This is a topic I’ve barely scratched the surface of with this short article, but I hope I’ve shed some light on the power of stepping into your dark feminine energy. If you’d like to see more articles like this, let me know!
This article comes with an exclusive digital download, The Dark Feminine Morning Worksheet, to complement the material above. It's available to all Dwell in Magic Patreon members in the Worksheet section.
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Thank you for reading, I hope you enjoyed this article and found something to take away with you.
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With love,
Jessica
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