Navigating the Dark Night of the Soul: 4 Grounding Coping Skills to Guide You Through

Experiencing a dark night of the soul is a life-altering occurrence that many of us will go through at some point in our lives. While the occurrence may not be visible to others on the outside, beneath the surface there is a transformation of self taking place.

In this article, I'm going to discuss the meaning of the dark night of the soul, what is ultimately gained from the experience, and four coping skills to help navigate your way through it.

Photo by Priscilla Du Preez

What Is a Dark Night of the Soul?

A dark night of the soul is a deep and often disorienting experience that shakes the very foundation of your identity. It’s not just emotional suffering—it’s an inner upheaval that collapses your whole conceptual framework of life, bringing you face-to-face with a transformed state of consciousness.

This inner state can feel like a spiritual emergency, but it’s actually a part of the awakening process. While it may look like an invisible internal disaster, it’s often the eruption that cracks open your egoic sense of self—initiating the birth of the true self.

Writer Joshua Press describes it beautifully: “The dark night of the soul is a stage in personal development when a person undergoes a difficult and significant transition to a deeper perception of life and their place in it.”

It often begins in what seems like a dark place, but it ultimately brings a deeper connectedness to life.

What triggers a dark night of the soul

This experience is often catalyzed by an external event—something that shatters your familiar reality. This could be the death of a loved one, illness, a breakup, or any other unexpected life disruption.

My own dark night began with a health scare—an abrupt moment that sent my carefully constructed inner world tumbling.

But it doesn’t always require a dramatic disaster. Sometimes, achieving something you thought would change everything (like a relationship, income goal, or career milestone) leads to an unexpected sense of emptiness. That paradox—having everything yet feeling nothing—can crack open your inner knowing and invite the spiritual awakening you didn’t see coming.

We even experienced a collective version of this during the Covid pandemic—a premature death of the life we once knew, triggering a mass awakening in many people.

What is gained from a dark night of the soul

Though it may feel unbearable, the dark night isn’t here to punish—it’s here to rewire. It invites you out of a life driven by achievements and into one of deeper presence, connectedness, and purpose.

This experience strips away the mind-made framework we’ve been operating from. What replaces it is a more authentic and embodied connection to life.

There isn't anything that you go through in life that doesn't serve you in some way. There are no wrong decisions, "bad" thoughts, or mistakes. As one of my favorite teachers Abraham Hicks always says, "You can't get it wrong because you never get it done."

Even though I spent months in a state of ignorance, confusion, and pain—I wouldn't trade it. Because from that place, I emerged into a transformed state of consciousness.

You realize that what looked like a breakdown was actually the death of the old self. You’re not broken—you’re being remade.

Dark night of the soul symptoms

Everyone experiences a dark night differently, but the following are some common symptoms when going through a dark night of the soul:

• A collapse of your previous identity or life meaning
• Feeling emotionally numb or disconnected
• Intense anxiety, despair, or existential fear
• Questioning everything you once believed in
• A deep sense of isolation, even among others
• Feeling as though nothing externally can help you

These aren’t just symptoms of sadness—they’re symptoms of transformation. You are being prepared to shed the egoic sense of self and welcome a deeper inner state of awareness.

Is it depression or dark night of the soul?

Only you can discern this for yourself. But often, depression is gradual, while a dark night feels like a sudden eruption or collapse. If your inner unraveling was triggered by a life-altering external event, it’s worth considering if you’re in a dark night rather than clinical depression.

Either way, the tools to support you—presence, compassion, and surrender—are valuable for both paths.

Navigating the dark night of the soul

Much like the energy of the dark moon or winter, the dark night of the soul is not the time to force or push things. You can't run through it in order to get out quicker, or thrash and kick your way out–you will need to learn to float.

This is a time of deep inner transformation and a kind of death in the egoic sense. You are going through an awakening process, and while that looks different for every person, there are some timeless coping skills that will serve as life rafts when you feel lost, afraid, or overwhelmed.

1. Surrender

A dark night of the soul is unsettling and can cause much unrest within you. You may feel as if there's something you need to fix to make it all go away, but it remains elusive and ever out of reach.

Surrendering to what-is is one of the best ways to float through a dark night. You continually accept whatever it is that is causing you unrest. Try saying to yourself:

• I surrender to not understanding
• I surrender to not knowing
• I surrender to allowing the answers to come to me in their own time
• I surrender to not seeing the path right now
• I surrender to just being

You can't thrash and stay afloat. You can't run in darkness. The solution lies in being still, accepting what-is, and being okay with things not being figured out right now.

There is nowhere you should be. There is nothing you should be doing. You just have to trust that where you are in this moment has to be okay.

This was actually the gift I received from my dark night–how to find joy and peace in the midst of pain or fear. Not waiting for things to feel better or make sense, but to just be vulnerable and present for my life.

2. Practice presence

A dark night can bring about regret from past decisions and fear of what the future holds. This is exactly what a dark night is here to guide you towards: the present moment.

It's like climbing something very high–there is temptation to look down, but if you do you might lose your footing. During a dark night, it's very tempting to look back into the past or forwards into the future, but neither hold the key that will open the door of light.

You will learn to bring yourself into the present moment because it's the only place that holds any peace.

When you are fully present and aware of just being, there is a deep sense of Divine knowing within you, even if you can't really put your finger on it. It's as if you're a tree and the wind is blowing through you–you are aware of the beauty and life in the present moment.

Go outside and just sit. Feel the breeze on your face. Listen to the birds. Watch the shadows move as the sun makes its way across the sky. Whatever has happened or will happen is okay, because you flow, surrender, and accept it.

All is well in the present moment. I highly recommend reading Eckhart Tolle's book to really understand how to come into the present moment.

3. Ask this question

I was listening to another one of my favorite spiritual teachers, Dr. Michael Beckwith, and he was talking about the importance of quality, growth-consciousness questions to ask yourself when going through difficult periods.

This one really stuck out to me:

• What within me needs to be birthed, in order for me to have peace of mind, if this situation were to last forever? 

That question elicits that which your soul is wanting to evolve towards. Rather than try to just survive a dark night, or push it away in the hopes that one day it will be gone, asking yourself this question will help to practice and develop a conceptual framework that will serve you for the rest of your life.

For me, the answer to this question is surrender. I have spent so much of my life trying to not let any of the pieces fall and running from things that terrified me, so to surrender to what-is has been life-changing for me. I practice it on a daily basis now.

4. Follow the crumb trail

Your emotions serve a very important purpose, and that is to let you know where you are in relation to where your higher self is. In this way, you can follow a beautiful crumb trail set up by your soul that will always lead you to where you most want to be if you choose to follow it.

This not only helps you to stay in the present moment, but takes you down the most efficient and beneficial paths for you personally.

What you do is ask yourself as often as you can throughout the day: what would feel good to do right now?

What could bring you relief in this moment? Pleasure? Excitement? Ease?

This is one of my absolute favorite techniques to utilize as often as I can remember to do so. When you do this, you will literally move closer to who you really are. Things will begin to flow, and you will be more relaxed and present.

It's essentially like playing Marco Polo with your soul. Call out "Marco" as often as you can remember every day, and listen to where you hear "Polo".

Maybe it's calling you to take a long bath, to go for a walk, to call a loved one, to go to bed early, or to make a good dinner for yourself.

When you practice listening, you'll find that you are led towards everything your soul is wanting you to explore, to that which you are ready to perceive and understand.

What I learned from my dark night

A dark night brings you closer to where you need to be, wherever that might be. It will look different for every person.

One thing I had always pushed away was death. I was also unaware of how future-focused I always was. I had really delved into the excitement of becoming aware of my thoughts and beliefs, and how those manifested into reality, and it was definitely fun. But I was never present. I hadn't learned the art of surrender and just being.

My dark night forced me to acknowledge death in all of its many forms, and to shed former beliefs I held around death and control. It invited me to step into the present moment, and to see that there actually is no death, only transitions.

I learned to surrender to the unknown. To let go of attachments I have to others, places, and things, and to feel the immense beauty and love in the presence of just being.

The terrifying darkness illuminated so brightly the light, so that the darkness didn't feel terrifying anymore. I felt safe in both, and became aware that when I'm present and accepting, everything just flows to me...I don't even need to try.

I really can't put into words how it changed me, because it was so profound on a deeper level of my consciousness. I'm walking away with a different understanding and perspective. I feel more me, more whole, and more free.

Conclusion

The dark night of the soul is not a punishment—it’s a portal. While it may feel like everything is falling apart, what’s actually happening is the integration of a more whole, grounded, and connected you.

Let yourself float. Let yourself be. You are not lost—you’re becoming.

EXPLORE FURTHER

Thank you for reading, I hope you enjoyed this article and found something to take away with you. 

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With love,

Jessica

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Jessica Dimas

Jessica is the founder of Dwell in Magic, where she shares grounded guidance to help women come into deeper alignment, ease, and everyday pleasure as a path to receiving more. Her work centers on practical self-care, emotional well-being, and slow, soulful living as the most natural way to magnetize abundance and create lasting transformation. Through her blog and Patreon community, she offers tangible tools, rituals, and reflections that support real-life integration—without force or hustle. Her writing has been featured on Today, HuffPost, Scary Mommy, Redbook Magazine, Motherly, and more.

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