While the notion of living for yourself may at first come off as sounding selfish or absorbed, it’s actually the complete opposite and benefits far more people than just yourself.
When you start living for yourself, you begin radiating such magnetic and attractive energy. Why? Because you stop placing the responsibility for your happiness onto others. How do you feel when someone looks to you for their happiness? Not very good or free, right?
You also begin living from a place of joy and inspiration, because you’re filling your own cup first, and this then overflows onto the loved ones in your life. They benefit when you take care of yourself first.
No one wants someone who lives for them or drains themselves sacrificing for everyone around them, only to then complain like martyrs about it.
Do you want to get a life? To be happy no matter what others are doing around you? To be excited to wake up in the morning and live from a place of deep satisfaction and self-love? Then it’s time to start practicing the art of living for yourself.
What does it mean to live for yourself?
To live for yourself means to prioritize your needs, wishes, and desires. This is not done at the expense or demise of others but from a place of taking care of yourself so you are the best version of you.
Done correctly, it removes the burden from your loved ones of trying to make you happy and creates a very attractive and delicious energy for others to be in when around you.
A person who lives for themselves looks like someone who has varied interests and hobbies they partake in. They value themselves and therefore take care of their mental, emotional, physical, and spiritual health. They protect their time and space because they recognize they’re worthy of that, versus allowing their plans to change on any whim.
I was raised to be a people pleaser, to remove all selfishness to serve others. Which, side note, is a funny concept when you think about why a person wouldn’t want YOU to be selfish so that you can appease THEIR wishes.
Here in the South, you grow up hearing the term “good woman” being applied to women who put themselves last and serve their families. When I think about these “good” women in my family though, they never seemed truly happy or lit up. How could they be when they spent the majority of their time living their lives for others? I know how draining and tiring that becomes. The payout is never worth the sacrifice.
Now think about when you get to spend time with someone who has their own life, interests, and hobbies. How does it feel to be around a person who is lit up and excited about life? Typically, it feels energizing and inspiring. You want to be around them more and you find them to be fascinating. There’s no burden to please them because they please themselves, making you free to be yourself with them and vice versa.
If everyone would start living for themselves, we’d all become a lot more lit up as a collective.
Side effects of not living for yourself
Not living for yourself has some serious consequences on your mental, emotional, and spiritual health. While certain phases of life require deep levels of self-sacrifice (early parenthood, disabled children, being a caretaker for a loved one, etc) the majority of your life and focus should be on living for yourself.
If you can’t yet love yourself enough to live for YOU, love others enough to do it, because it’s one of the greatest gifts you can give.
When we live from a place where we are dependent on others for our happiness, when we don’t prioritize our own well-being and happiness, the following can occur:
- depression
- lack of desire
- jealousy
- low self-esteem
- feeling disconnected
- blaming others
- resentment
- not knowing oneself
- feeling helpless
- feeling dependent
- fatigue & exhaustion
- low quality of life
- low vibration/frequency levels
- neediness, which is repelling to others
- victim mentality
Benefits of living for yourself
When you start living for yourself, you light up. Since you aren’t looking to others to fill you up and make you happy, you get to be in control of taking care of yourself, and no one does a better job of that than you!
You are the greatest lover and soulmate you’ll ever have. When you start living for yourself, you will experience:
- happiness & joy
- increased self-love
- knowing yourself on deeper and deeper levels
- discovering new things about yourself
- high self-esteem
- feeling contented
- increased love for others
- excitement for life
- increased opportunities, invitations, and overall good things happening to you more frequently because you are VIBING HIGHER
- being more magnetic and appealing to others
- real connection with others vs codependency
- increased mental, emotional, physical, and spiritual health
- self-dependency
- independence
- the feeling that you are your own best friend
Ways to start living for yourself
Let’s get a life, shall we? Whether you’ve found yourself in a rut and want to start fresh, or you’ve never lived for yourself and this is your first time, here are some simple ways to start living for YOU.
1. Create a new roadmap
Getting clear on the direction you want to take is always a first step no matter what it is you’re doing. In order to start living for yourself, you need to get clear on a few things. I recommend getting out a journal and answering the following questions:
- What currently drains me
- What makes me feel worse after doing it
- If I had to guess, what needs to be cut/reduced from my life
Take a minute to close your eyes and envision a you who lives for themselves. Feel into their energy, joy, and excitement. Answer the following questions afterward:
- What did you see yourself doing
- What WEREN’T you doing
- In what ways did your life look improved
- How did you feel
2. Start small
What’s one thing you could start doing today to begin living for yourself? It’s easier to start small versus trying to overhaul your entire life.
Maybe you begin a morning self-care routine or start taking a class in something you want to learn about. Ultimately, it’s a mindset shift you’re making rather than trying to do all of these external things differently.
The mindset shift is making your decisions from a place of serving your highest well-being or joy in that moment. This also looks different for different types of people.
I’m a very free-flowy person and benefit when I get more structured. A type-A kind of person though might benefit from letting their lives flow a little bit more rather than putting such pressure on themselves every day.
3. Limit social media
Another tip, especially if you don’t know where to start, is to just try disconnecting from your phone for a while. We are on our phones so much more than we realize. When I put my phone down, even for an hour or so, I notice such a marked difference in my energy.
Not only does social media shape the way we feel and think, but it also pulls us in for much longer than we were ever anticipating. I’m not against social media…there are so many wonderful things about it…but being more mindful about how we use it can produce such massive results in our energy.
In addition, as women and feminine energy beings, our energy fields are receptive, meaning that we need to take extra care in what we allow to enter. Social media can have a much deeper effect on you than you may realize, as it’s quite literally the energy of others entering your field. The effects can linger, making you feel vague about what you want to be doing in your own life because you’ve got so much energy from others in your field.
Disconnecting from social media gives you a chance to connect with yourself. This in and of itself is a way to start living for yourself, even if you’re not sure what to do. Just being with yourself is a great first step.
4. Show up for yourself
Pulling yourself out of a rut, or a way of being, takes some willpower and dedication. Again, I’m a free-flow type of person, so I don’t really like the word discipline, but it does take that, especially at first.
Showing up for yourself, by any means necessary that works for you, is what’s required when you begin to live for yourself. You’re likely so used to doing for others or putting other’s needs before yours. Or you’re used to relying on others for your happiness or your plans for the weekend. You may be used to forfeiting what’s best for you in the moment to appease someone else.
Living for yourself means honoring yourself–your time, your body, your space, your emotions…your well-being. This can look like not changing your plans at the last minute just because someone calls you and asks you to do something else (unless that idea is more fun or doesn’t detract from what’s best for you).
Don’t be afraid to be alone with yourself. You truly are the best friend and soulmate you’ll ever have, so get to know YOU. Have date nights with yourself. Do things you love doing. Read books that excite your spirit. Treasure yourself.
The more you fall in love with yourself and your own life, the more you allow beauty and joy to pass through again and again. Enjoy it rather than trying to grasp and hold onto it. You are your home, here to witness and experience all the love the Universe wants to send your way.
When we start living for ourselves, our lives and experiences become richer, calmer, and more deeply fulfilling, which benefits everyone in your life all the more. I invite you to start right now.
Living for yourself journal prompts
This article comes with an exclusive digital download, The Living for Yourself Journal Prompts, to complement the material above. It's available to all Dwell in Magic Patreon members in the Worksheet section. If you aren't a member, I invite you to join!
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With love,
Jessica
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