How to Figure Out What You Truly Want

There’s nothing more frustrating than circling around your own desires. Wanting, but not knowing what you want. Or thinking you’ve named a desire, but realizing it doesn’t actually light you up.

I know that mind-haunting well. Over ten years ago, I was convinced I wanted to move to San Diego. I loved vacationing there, loved the ocean, loved the idea of living by the beach. But every time we came home to Arizona, I felt relief...as if I was exhaling. How could that be? Wasn’t San Diego the dream?

It took me years to realize: I didn’t actually want it. It looked good on paper, it sounded like a dream, but it wasn’t my dream. At the time, I loved Arizona more deeply than I realized. My family, memories, and roots were here. I wasn't actually ready to leave yet. That quiet understanding explained why San Diego didn't unfold for me. It wasn’t a failure of creation, it was simply clarity waiting to be claimed.

That lesson shaped how I approach my desires today. Because here’s the truth: you cannot easily create what you don’t truly want. And the fastest way to stall your own magic is by chasing someone else’s dream or settling for a safe “should.”

So how do you know what you actually want?

Here are three simple practices that can bring you back to truth:

1. The “Money No Object” Exercise

The first time I got real clarity, it was by asking myself: If money were no issue, what would I choose?

I imagined having $50 million...enough to never worry again. Would I still want to move to San Diego?

The answer was no. I couldn’t ignore the traffic, the crowded beaches, the sense that I didn’t belong to that culture. Arizona, on the other hand, felt like home.

When you take money off the table, you see what your heart actually leans toward. Not what’s “practical,” or what seems respectable, but what genuinely excites you.

• Imagine being financially secure forever.
• Ask yourself: What would I be, do, or have first?
• Notice where relief and excitement show up, and where resistance sneaks in.

That’s your truth speaking.

2. The Body Knows First

Your mind can flip-flop all day, but your body always tells the truth.

A true desire feels like expansion. It feels like breath, ease, curiosity, or excitement. Sometimes it even feels like a warm hum in your chest or a soft pull forward.

A false “should” feels like contraction. It weighs heavy, comes with pressure, and it sounds like proving: I should want this job. I should follow this path. I should be grateful for this and stop asking for more.

Stop asking your head and start asking your body because it already knows.

3. Gratitude for Fragments

Sometimes we don’t know what we want because we think it has to arrive fully formed: the perfect house, the perfect relationship, the perfect career.

But often, your true desire is already showing up in fragments.

Maybe you don’t have your dream home yet, but you love your morning ritual by the window. Maybe you don’t have your ideal job yet, but you love the creativity a side project brings. Maybe you don’t have your dream relationship yet, but you love the softness of an evening walk alone.

These fragments are breadcrumbs. When you appreciate them, they expand. Gratitude is how you align with the larger version.

Why This Matters

You cannot align with a desire you don’t own.

When you chase something that isn’t truly yours, you stall. When you claim what actually lights you up–even if it’s unconventional, even if it makes no sense–you become magnetic.

Desire is not a weakness. It’s your compass. And clarity is the crown you wear when you stop apologizing for it.

Try This Today

Take five minutes and answer these three questions in your journal:

1. If money were no object, what would I choose right now?
2. In my body, does this desire feel expansive or contracted?
3. What fragments of this desire already exist in my current reality, and can I appreciate them more deeply today?

These three questions will bring you closer to your true wants than years of overthinking.

If You Want to Go Deeper

Each month inside the Dwell in Magic Patreon, we explore themes like this one in depth. This month’s theme, She Sees: Attuning to What You Truly Want, comes with:

• In-depth articles on how to claim your desires without apology
• A downloadable workbook with daily prompts (including the Morning Sheet, designed to align you with your joy)
• Weekly reflections, rituals, and our Book Club discussions on The Magic by Rhonda Byrne

Final Word

What you want is not random, frivolous, or impossible. It’s the truest expression of who you are. When you strip away the shoulds, listen to your body and honor the fragments already here, clarity arrives.

And once you know? Claim it and watch how life rearranges around you.

Thank you for reading, I hope you enjoyed this article and found something to take away with you. 

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Craving more inspiration, guidance, and connection? Join the Dwell in Magic Patreon for weekly rituals, guided reflections, and a community rooted in self-trust.

For self-paced inner work, visit the shop for transformational bundles and guides. 

With love,

Jessica

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Jessica Dimas

Jessica is the founder of Dwell in Magic, where she shares grounded guidance to help women come into deeper alignment, ease, and everyday pleasure as a path to receiving more. Her work centers on practical self-care, emotional well-being, and slow, soulful living as the most natural way to magnetize abundance and create lasting transformation. Through her blog and Patreon community, she offers tangible tools, rituals, and reflections that support real-life integration—without force or hustle. Her writing has been featured on Today, HuffPost, Scary Mommy, Redbook Magazine, Motherly, and more.

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