When it comes to the law of attraction and relationships, most people don't realize how much power they hold in what they experience from others.
In today's blog post, I'm going to share how to use the law of attraction when you're attracting negativity from others in your relationships.
If there's one topic in Law of Attraction Land that I have a hard time with, it's this one. Not because I don't believe that I'm attracting the negativity, but because it feels so much better to just say the other person is being a douche wad.
So this article is about relationships, negativity from others within relationships, and just any kind of behavior we may find ourselves not appreciating in others–all with the perspective coming from an understanding of the law of attraction. If you don't know much about the law of attraction, you can read my 101 post here.
How does law of attraction work in relationships?
With the understanding that the law of attraction is like attracts like, that goes to reason that all of our experiences have made their way into our vibration whether we consciously manifested it or not.
When you are experiencing turmoil with another person...and don't throw your shoe at me...you're attracting it.
Likely subconsciously, sometimes consciously.
Look at the common negative theme in your relationships or even with acquaintances; how do they make you feel? For me, when I think about issues I have with others in my life and how they piss me off, it's usually always narrowed down to them making me feel unworthy and not important.
Other people are your mirror
Others reflect back to us how we feel about ourselves on a deep level. I have always felt not good enough, and therefore I tend to attract circumstances and situations with others that make me feel that way.
If you look at it in this way, it's actually a blessing in disguise because it alerts you to issues you need to work out within yourself.
Sometimes the irritations are minor and not super deep, like when I'm just in a pissy mood and I attract asshole drivers on the road or snarky comments, etc. Those are also signs that I'm not vibing so great!
And that's okay, I'm not here to say we should all be feeling happy 24/7 and if someone is an asshole to us that we deserved it cause we should've been in a better mood; I'm just saying it's all feedback we can use to our advantage when we're ready to do so.
Or have you ever thought about how you always attract the same type of partner or friend? For me, I've always tended to attract people who talk about themselves a lot but aren't as interested in listening to anything about me. And that goes back to my deep-rooted feelings of being unworthy and not important.
How to attract what you want from people
I have three main go-to's that I like to do when I'm having issues with someone. None of them are very easy at first, especially if this person is making your blood boil on a consistent basis, but as you do the exercises, you'll feel yourself soften and start to let go.
1. Spiritually convene with the other person
When you're really upset with someone, this is a good exercise to start with. All you do is close your eyes and visualize your higher self meeting with their higher self. I say higher self because even if this person would never see their wrongs here in this lifetime, their higher self is pure love and would never intentionally hurt you.
Imagine yourself telling them how much they hurt you and then imagine them apologizing for their actions. Usually I interpret them letting me know it wasn't intentional and that they are in the process of learning many lessons here themselves, just like I am. I then envision hugging that person.
2. Work on yo' self!
Get away from all the noise and get some quality self-care time. Consistent self-care is best. I like to journal everything I'm feeling. Get it all out. And then start to focus on the deeper feelings...what is this person bringing up for you? Is there a pattern anywhere that you can see?
Whatever it is, the good news is that what it all comes down to is that we need to love ourselves in order to let others love us. Start spending more time with yourself. Be intentional with your time and activities. Do things that refuel you rather than drain you. Give to yourself as much as you can what you are looking for in others.
3. Think of things you love about this person
This exercise will at first seem really stupid and pointless, but it's actually pretty hard and can be very transformational. I got it from Abraham Hicks! You have to think of 10 things you're grateful for about this person, 10 good things about them.
The first 3-4 things will be super hard to come up with! You're angry with them and only thinking of how much they've wronged you, but by your 5th thing, you'll feel yourself start to soften towards this person.
This exercise pulls you off the ground and up into a bird's eye view of the situation. A bigger picture perspective. By the 10th positive thing you can name about them, if it's a romantic relationship, you might even feel like going and giving them a kiss! This is a GREAT exercise to try.
How others will react to your new vibe
We all have different aspects about us, both good and bad. Everyone has a good side if they're not extremely pinched off from all that is good and holy, so when you get your vibration up, you will begin attracting the better sides of the people in your life.
That goes without saying, if a person is not ready to be at that level of vibration, they will naturally fade from your life because the law of attraction won't let you the two of you cross paths if your vibrations are completely different. And if they insist on staying in a low vibration most of their waking hours, they won't be showing up in yours very often, if at all.
I did the exercises above regarding a friend in my life who was draining me. I spiritually convened with her, stayed consistent with my self-care time, and did the third exercise. I even got excited because I saw her in a new light! I was able to overlook and forgive her petty actions that drained me so much. But I never got a chance to enjoy her in that way because she completely fell out of my life.
I was hurt by this for awhile. It was like she dumped me, right when I had shifted my perspective about her. But that's WHY. She wasn't in the same vibration that I was and I truly believe she faded from my life quickly after I did the inner work because she wasn't able to reflect the way I saw her.
When a person can't match what you're putting out there, the law of attraction won't let the two of you tango.
With that being said, most people will not disappear out of your life. Most often your relationship will improve as a result of doing the exercises above, especially if this is a person who is a key player in your life. Friends may or may not disappear, parents and partners will likely start exhibiting different behaviors around you.
Thanks for reading, I hope you enjoyed this article. What did you think of this information? Do you agree, disagree? Have any questions? Let me know in the comments below.
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Lots of love,
Jessica
Jessica Dimas is the author of Anything Can Be: A Reference Guide for Applying the Law of Attraction. Connect with her on Facebook and Instagram for more inspiration and updates.
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Heather
Jessica , I am loving all your info, it has been very helpful. Thank you.
Jessica
Thank you Heather! xo
Emma
Thanks Jessica! I love the exercises and they were so timely as I just spent a few days with my mom and have been feeling really drained! I love to think about what I need from her and give it to myself instead (attention, validation, slowing down, feeling seen and understood). I will spend the next few days being extra gentle with myself.
I have a question though - how do you deal with a parent who is toxic/dysfunctional, which can make them abusive or manipulative? My mom has borderline personality disorder and being with her is like being with a 3 years old : very loving but she can have sudden tantrums out of nowhere and become abusive. I am walking on eggshells with her all the time - how do I preserve my energy are her? I don't want to cut her out of my life (i live far away from her but see her several days in a row when I see her). I know she is in my life for a reason and am sure I chose her as my mom to learn something 😉
Jessica Dimas
Hi Emma! Sorry for the super late response. That's definitely hard when it's a parent. I would start simple and approach your relationship with her the same way: focus on her best qualities and try to fill yourself up as much as you can before you are with her. I really do feel like the higher you vibrate, the less likely you'll have to deal with her negative side. Of course none of us are perfect, so don't beat yourself up and also remind yourself that her acting that way is just a sign that she's pinched off herself. Gratitude and self-care can go a long way when having to deal with a dysfunctional family member. Just keep practicing and know that's possible to experience other sides of her.
Irina
Jessica,
I loved this post! I can totally relate to what you're saying - I've been dealing with feelings of being not good enough and not feeling important. And I've definitely dealt with situations and people that have highlighted those feelings for me. I also, recently was stood up by someone who called herself my best friend and even though it stills hurts that she just disappeared out of my life, I actually see it as a blessing in disguise. The Universe made her disappear out of my life and that way I don't have to deal with her. Otherwise, I probably would still talk to her and see her (even though in my mind I've had enough of this friendship and wanted to move on), just because I would feel bad cutting her out of my life. Anyhow, our friendship was very one sided - it was usually me listening to her talk about her all of the time. It was very draining and we had very few things in common. I'm ready to make real friends now!
Jessica Dimas
It really is a blessing in disguise when certain people disappear out of our lives. I very much relate to you as well, my friendship would've continued for the same reasons and so it's pretty much like the Universe takes it out of our hands for us. If they were a good match for us, they'd still be in our lives, that's pretty much how I look at it.
Margi
I am glad I found this website I really do néed this type of support more than usual now and learning.
Am looking forward to improving my lifestyle. Thank-you
Jessica Dimas
Very glad you found my blog Margi, I hope you find the inspiration you're looking for xo
courtney
i’ve read this post a few times and i just wanted to express my gratitude for this and you. you’ve really showed me how to look at life in a different perspective and i have been doing so much better because of it ?
Jessica Dimas
Sorry for the late reply Courtney, just wanted to respond and say you're so very welcome. Thank you for leaving such encouraging feedback, it's nice to know my words are reaching and touching someone out there <3
Caron
I just saw this post on Facebook in response to a request to repost the entry. I am relatively new to the Dwell in Magic Facebook group, and I don't always see the posts. This post blew me away. I have been on a journey of self awareness for the past few years. I have 2 relationships that really push my buttons, my mother and my husband. Although I have made some progress on letting go of resentment towards them, after reading this post, I am inspired to write down the 10 things that I'm grateful for about them and see how this further changes our relationships. Thank you for these words of inspiration.
Jessica Dimas
I hope these suggestions help, Caron! They've really made a difference for me, the 10 things to be grateful for really does work some magic.
Kate Findley
Incredible suggestions! I've tried similar techniques such as dropping my disapproval of a person and practicing love, which has certainly worked in my relationships, but I like the specificity of your suggestions, especially the listing 10 qualities. I'm a teacher and while most of my students are wonderful, there are certain students that I really struggle with. I'm going to try your suggestions and see if that helps me in the classroom.
Destiny
I've been in a hell lot of relationships and I can say that I always attract negativity.. And later on the phase of relationship, the negativity happens! It took me some time before I realize that the problem is in me.. i was thinking that it was just how it is, or how they are, but in reality my negativity contributes too!
Jessica Dimas
Yes, it's very interesting!! We always attract what we're vibrating, and we can attract different sides of people depending on our current vibrations. We see that all the time when one person in the house is in a bad mood and it just spreads.
Erica
This is amazing Jessica! I just came across this blog after doing a lot of research around self care and the law of attraction and I have to say this information you've provided here is exactly the kind I was looking for. I've now read so many of your articles and I can't wait for the next one!
I do write a lot down as I too think it is very powerful and there is something very authentic about it but I have a quick question - what is your opinion on burning the letters or things we write? I used to do this a lot because I feared if I held onto them or didn't release them somehow my desires would just stay dormant or wouldn't become a reality and I wouldn't be able to let go. You've mentioned keeping a journal tho so what do you think ??